Fernet Me; Fernet Me Not
Nervous chatter on the eve of a major unimportant event
At the end of July, I’ll be competing in the quarterfinals of New Mexico’s hottest cocktail contest.
The first round of 505 Food Fights was a total blast (read the story here) and well worth dusting off the old spurs and sixguns of my erstwhile trade. Round 2 will be more challenging, the stakes and energy elevated—but the goal remains the same: Have fun and scratch the vein of high-octane mixology, all in the name of charity.
For my ABQ readers—come cheer me on, drink for charity, and taste my spiritual creations! Might not get another chance…
505 Food Fights: Cocktail Edition
Monday, July 29th from 6-8pm, at Fuego 505
For everyone else—let me tell you a meandering story as a prelude…
Many of you reading this first encountered me behind a Richmond cocktail bar called Rogue—where one of our unique features was Fernet Branca on draft.
We were huge nerds about the stuff—bedecked in swag from the brand rep; from t-shirts to bar mats, draft handle to shotglasses—and we gave it out like candy. And partook liberally too, in our own “staff meetings” after service.
So first, tell me this:
Quick Fernet Background:
Fernet Branca is a digestif liquor containing 40+ different herbs designed to soothe your stomach after a big meal. Invented nearly two centuries ago in Milan, fernet is dark, bitter, minty, and strong—and not for the faint of heart.
In recent decades, Fernet Branca has become the bartender’s secret handshake. Not only for its bracing, fortifying, mysterious nature—but also because during Prohibition, it was one of the only spirits still imported legally (due to its medicinal value).
<End elevator history lesson>
Love it or loathe it, fernet is a key element in the lifeblood of mixology’s dark and complex soul. A little taste of the ancient earthy magic that brought us all here.
Think about it this way: Fernet is an inside joke that bartenders take very seriously.
Pro tip: If you go into a craft cocktail bar and start with a shot of fernet—you’ll likely be taken slightly more seriously; accorded some measure of attention beyond the usual rote service smile.
Learn to love it…
Next-level cocktail nerddom
Craft mixology has ever been a venue for dark humor and layered concepts. Part of what drew me to it in the first place.
There’s the punny cocktail names and deep-theme menus of course—but also I spent no small portion of my downtime thinking up clever cocktail imagery the bar would “one day” sell as merch.
If you knew me back in Richmond, there’s a chance you were there at the bar when this t-shirt idea was conceived…back when Drake was on top of the world:
Even if you don’t recognize the album cover parody, it still works if you dig fernet. It was supposed to be our staff shirt for that year, but I never got a chance to make it a reality.
Now years later, I entered this cocktail competition and suddenly remembered the shirt too late to get one made in time for the first round—so it’s a good thing I won, or I’d’ve missed the opportunity to let my fernet flag fly, amid this crowd of cocktail nerds who alone might appreciate it.
Long story shortened, this is what I’ll be wearing when I step into the arena on that anointed Monday—and even if no one else gets it at all, I hope it might at least slake the witty thirst of those salty cocktail gods, spectating from the skyward edge of the Great Crystal Coupe above the clouds.
Wanna join the fernet fun? Get your own right here!
(Just promise to tell me if it ever earns you a free shot.)