The President Plagiarized Me

Dear POTUS: Stop stealing my satire

As many of you know, since March I’ve been writing a novel described as “Animal Farm for the MAGA era.” Set in a huge wildlife game reserve in the savanna of Tanzania, a warthog named Bosi (i.e. Boss in Swahili) leads an animalist movement against the humans running Zamani Reserve, and takes over as farm manager.

Much hilarity and drama ensues, and even if you haven’t read Animal Farm, I think you’ll dig it—and I’m nearly done, with part of it already in the editor’s hands. Only problem is, I can’t write the damn thing fast enough…

If I could’ve finished and published two months ago, I’d already be hailed as some kind of dark prophet of doom, for how many of my fictional predictions keep coming true after the writing…as POTUS and his goons keep stealing my scenes and lines.

Here’s a passage I wrote several weeks ago:

Well guess what…last week, at a roundtable about the non-existent non-organization of non-terrorists known as Antifa (which just means anti-fascist, and therefore describes every loyal American)—Trump was asked: “Have you given any more thought to possibly suspending habeas corpus, to not only deal with these insurrectionists across the nation, but also to continue rapidly deporting illegal aliens?”

“Suspending who?” Trump responded confused and annoyed, before deflecting the question to the DHS secretary.

No goddamn lie. When I heard that my heart fell to my toes. Not only at the horror of Magas even talking about habeas corpus…but also at the feeling of being plagiarized aforethought; and watching my words suddenly bloom with the power of proof—while simultaneously losing their impact, because no one has seen them but me.

And the worst part?

That chintzy bastard’s line was better than mine.