Words of Wisdom: Summercamp Latrinalia

Witness the writing on the wall...

A portrait of the author (left) as a young boy

As a summercamp denizen for 9 impressionable years, I learned much about a lot of things. Some foundational, some faded and no longer relevant. But few stick with me as starkly as the wisdom I found writ on the particleboard stalls of the boys “biffy” behind Maincamp.

Latrinalia: Wise words & other graffiti found specifically in public restrooms.

Latrine = A commode & its surroundings.

-alia = A collection of related elements that combine into a greater whole.

Those rank and bustling walls in the woods boasted an incredible assemblage of shithouse scripture. And even as a kid, I wondered about those words and the people who’d written them in some anonymous past.

The bulk of it was low-grade mind-mush not even worth remembering, much less sharing…but there was also a selection of more thoughtful musings that have stuck with me to this day. Ranging from simple but clever sardonic ribaldry:

Flush twice, it’s a long way to the kitchen!

…to the more solemnly observant and private cautionary tale we can all relate to:

Here I sit, all lonely hearted

Tried to shit, but only farted.

Then one day, I took a chance

Tried to fart, but shit my pants.

An unforgettable quatrain—with a perfect coda, scrawled below in another pen: Why are you so lonely hearted?

People are funny. When I get down on things or feel misanthropic, sometimes I think about these weird and oddly empathic conversations through time. Disparate pieces of momentary thought merging into a 3rd dimension through a future observer…our very own latterday Lascaux paintings, sharpied on the walls of that most human of caves. Something deeper than “I was here,” but not quite godlike. Not quite eternal.

Where are those people now? Do they remember their little act of mnemonic rebellion 25+ years ago? Do they ever think about the people who read it later? Or do they leave this mark merely by rote, everywhere they go?

In one of the stalls was another glittering nugget of wisdom that often springs to mind…especially when I find myself longing for something, instead of making it happen:

If wishes were horses, poor men would ride.

I’ve pondered this one a lot through my life…maybe because I wasn’t sure what it meant at first (or even still, to be honest). Also because I couldn’t quite imagine some camper or teenage staff writing it.

Is it a condemnation? A literal scoff at poverty, in this rich-kid camp where my own very privileged life rang in at the bottom of the payscale?

Or an allegorical admonition? An absurdist parable about sloth and poorness of spirit, reminding us that “If only” is a dead-end street and there’s no way to get where you’re going but to hoof it?

Then someone else lost to time had offered another perspective, scratched in with a paperclip end:

Quit wishin, start fishin.

About as close to a divine message of wisdom as I’ve ever seen. A reminder to pay attention…be here now…take it all in, this incredible and unlikely moment. To breathe, to feel, to know you’re alive…

Original writing on the wall

The phrase writing on the wall comes from a biblical story—the invisible hand of God spelling doom for some ancient king, on the stones of some long-gone hall. A grim tetragram commonly translated to: You’ve been weighed and measured and found wanting…

Latrinalia generally isn’t quite so foreboding—maybe because instead of swords and banners, it’s all funny sounds and smells—but there’s something undeniably powerful about the invisible hand bestowing unexpected wisdom through the ages (or at least until the walls get replaced or scrubbed clean).

After all, these simple words from the toilet stalls at camp have echoed through the chambers of my own mind for more than half my life now. They’ve influenced moods and decisions that have cascaded into this astonishing moment I live every day.

Understand, I’m not one to write on bathroom walls (mainly because I know some overworked laborer will inevitably have to clean it) but sometimes I wonder if maybe I should…

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Got a bit of fun Latrinalia stuck in your memory? Share it below or reply!